bleeding again
its the third times ..
itulah makanya knp pinggang gue pegel banget dan sakit kmaren .. ternyata ..
what should i do ..
Oct 7, 2011
selesai sudah harimu
apalah dirimu
yang datang saat baru tiba
harapan dan mimpi
sapa ramah yang kau terima
apalah dirimu
senja telah tiba
lupakan mimpi
harapan mati
namamu tak terdengar lagi ..
terlupakan ..
selesai sudah harimu
yang datang saat baru tiba
harapan dan mimpi
sapa ramah yang kau terima
apalah dirimu
senja telah tiba
lupakan mimpi
harapan mati
namamu tak terdengar lagi ..
terlupakan ..
selesai sudah harimu
pada benda mati
kurasakan kembali sakit ini
setelah sekian lama tak pernah lagi kurasa
sejak kubunuh sudah rasa tersebut
ku tak ingin kembali sakit ..
hanya pada diriku ku percaya ..
kini sakit lagi
aku tlah terlalu jauh ..
kekecewaan .. ditinggalkan ..
getir senyum ..
hanya benda benda mati ini
yang selalu masih setia ..
pada janji ..
setelah sekian lama tak pernah lagi kurasa
sejak kubunuh sudah rasa tersebut
ku tak ingin kembali sakit ..
hanya pada diriku ku percaya ..
kini sakit lagi
aku tlah terlalu jauh ..
kekecewaan .. ditinggalkan ..
getir senyum ..
hanya benda benda mati ini
yang selalu masih setia ..
pada janji ..
Sep 16, 2011
im not excited .. seharusnya dia yg ada disini
this weekend, gue bakal jalan ke bintan .. for vacation .. gue sudah plan ini acara dari 2 bulan lalu, and why took so long ? because we have to reserve the place first and got staff rate.
seharusnya gue excited karena hanya tinggal bbrp jam lagi . but im not excited .. i dunno why .. moodi brubah .. and im bored already ..
sometimes .. gue slalu berharap gue bisa pergi sama Mas Rama ..
teringat dua bulan lalu, terakhir ketemu dia .. and he asked me utk ke hotel di ancol .. stay there and brenang bareng .. waktu itu juga gue janjiin sama dia utk brenang. but on that day .. dia sakit .. dan berkepanjangan ..
Mas Rama tidak pernah protes jika janji yg diberikan ke dia itu batal . tapi hal tersebut akan tetap ada di pikiran dia .. dan oneday pasti akan di tagih kembali ..
sepertinya ... aku sudah lama tidak pernah lagi jalan jalan bareng sama dia kecuali pergi ke mall .. dan buat ku mall adalah tempat yg paling membosankan ..
i want to take him to the zoo or beach or else .. but gue slalu terdesak oleh waktu ..
sometimes i wish i can take him ketemu si angeline, and not all my family have met him yet.
i wish someday ..
seharusnya gue excited karena hanya tinggal bbrp jam lagi . but im not excited .. i dunno why .. moodi brubah .. and im bored already ..
sometimes .. gue slalu berharap gue bisa pergi sama Mas Rama ..
teringat dua bulan lalu, terakhir ketemu dia .. and he asked me utk ke hotel di ancol .. stay there and brenang bareng .. waktu itu juga gue janjiin sama dia utk brenang. but on that day .. dia sakit .. dan berkepanjangan ..
Mas Rama tidak pernah protes jika janji yg diberikan ke dia itu batal . tapi hal tersebut akan tetap ada di pikiran dia .. dan oneday pasti akan di tagih kembali ..
sepertinya ... aku sudah lama tidak pernah lagi jalan jalan bareng sama dia kecuali pergi ke mall .. dan buat ku mall adalah tempat yg paling membosankan ..
i want to take him to the zoo or beach or else .. but gue slalu terdesak oleh waktu ..
sometimes i wish i can take him ketemu si angeline, and not all my family have met him yet.
i wish someday ..
Sep 15, 2011
pada akhirnya
2009 ..
that tahun terakhir gue "blogging" , ntah mengapa gue sendiri juga mendadak berenti untuk menulis .. mungkin saat itu adalah saat gue turning over dari menulis menjadi motret dan terus motret. dan gue merasa dari motret gue bisa menginterpretasikan apa yg gue maksud. tapi nyatanya kadang imagi yg tercipta jauh di luar apa yang gue mau ...
and in the end .. mulai corat coret tapi semua hanya di simpan di kepala saja .. tanpa bisa di keluarkan dan di curahkan semuanya .. now i realize bahwa sebenernya gue lebih mampu utk mencurahkan semua dalam tulisan .. walaupun masih tetap berusaha untuk konsisten dalam hal fotografi. dan selama ini, ntah sudah berapa puluh poto yg aku buat dan semua menjadi lebih bermakna karena aku bubuhkan bbrp kata kata ..
emosi emosi yg ada pada foto yang gue buat merupakan emosi dari dalam diri ini. dan hanya bbrp orang saja yg tahu.
well eniwei aku msh ada keinginan utk membuat gambar dan tulisan ...
and now .. start over again .. new writing .. new stories ..
that tahun terakhir gue "blogging" , ntah mengapa gue sendiri juga mendadak berenti untuk menulis .. mungkin saat itu adalah saat gue turning over dari menulis menjadi motret dan terus motret. dan gue merasa dari motret gue bisa menginterpretasikan apa yg gue maksud. tapi nyatanya kadang imagi yg tercipta jauh di luar apa yang gue mau ...
and in the end .. mulai corat coret tapi semua hanya di simpan di kepala saja .. tanpa bisa di keluarkan dan di curahkan semuanya .. now i realize bahwa sebenernya gue lebih mampu utk mencurahkan semua dalam tulisan .. walaupun masih tetap berusaha untuk konsisten dalam hal fotografi. dan selama ini, ntah sudah berapa puluh poto yg aku buat dan semua menjadi lebih bermakna karena aku bubuhkan bbrp kata kata ..
emosi emosi yg ada pada foto yang gue buat merupakan emosi dari dalam diri ini. dan hanya bbrp orang saja yg tahu.
well eniwei aku msh ada keinginan utk membuat gambar dan tulisan ...
and now .. start over again .. new writing .. new stories ..
Jan 19, 2009
Leo in 2009
2009 would be an eventful year for you although there would be some rise in hurdles in comparison to last two years. You still run a powerful phase, although there would be personal pressures at all times. Family life, marital matters, joint areas of work as well as personal life could be trying till the 17 th of May 2009 .
You will find your focus would be high but dealing with work pressures as well as people around you will rise.
Work environment will change rapidly and you will not be able to do much. It would be useful to go with the flow and not create too many hurdles in the process of change. The overall scenario will turn good after May 2009 commences.
Marital/ family life wills pickup between May and July 2009, while now ideas / partnerships could also come about.
If unmarried, strong chances of a sudden marriage proposal present between 16 th June 2009 and 31 st July 2009 .
Health and career could suffer some unexpected reversals between 1 st August 2009 and 17 th October 2009 . You should handle this period with caution. Confrontation with seniors is avoidable till 20 th December 2009 .
Status and career will still remain in a powerful phase till 9 th September 2009 . You will be focused and dynamic in whatever you do till this period.
10 th September 2009 onwards some pressure on account of family life could begin. There could be monetary pressures too. You should be conservative in speech, family life and monetary commitments till end of the year.
Money matters will be quite positive as the year commences. There will be good luck and gains till end August 2009.
10 th September 2009 onwards you will find monetary pressures will rise.
A gradual increase in outflows will be felt and you need to be conservative overall in this regard till end of the year.
Income will be quite positive throughout. There will be an exceptional rise between May 2009 and July 2009. You will feel erratic phase during January, May and September 2009.
Investment would remain unreliable mostly this year.
There would be sudden new events in investments. New investment should be totally avoided since these options could be misleading and unreliable mostly. Some improvement could come between May and July 2009, when you can rationalize your exposure. There could be issues again after September 2009 commences.
Despite all events work will remain dynamic and positive till end October 2009. 3 rd November 2009 onwards you could find pessimism in work as well as love life. It is a time to view work and other avenues of life more conservatively.
Love life and investment could cause worry after 3 rd November 2009 . Worries connected with children could go up also after 3 rd November 2009 .
At the beginning of the year 7 th March to 19 th April 2009 could bring volatile trends in career. It would be useful to avoid major changes during this phase. You will find the year would be more challenging towards the end compared to the beginning. It would be useful to remain as conservative as possible this year.
....
Career will remain high on activity as well as priority this year.
You will be work oriented and positive mostly till 10th September 2009. There will be a high level of efforts and energy into what you do.
Work area could experience politics but there will be growth too.
Career will get into a difficult but progressive phase between 27th January 2009 and 31st May 2009. You will experience a hyperactive phase between 7th March 2009 and 19th April 2009. You should work hard but not try to change the career path during this time.
If in a business, you will remain ultra focused but under stress during the period till 17th May 2009. If you work with partners or associates, the relations could be strained and stressed mostly till 17th May 2009 too.
Still due to hard work and a positive impact mostly, progress and gains in career will continue. 10th September 2009 onwards there would be a slowdown in work and hurdles could be experienced.
High expenses and some waste in business could come also.
Overheads would rise and reach unreasonable level after 3rd November 2009.
If in a job, there will be a high stress and pressure from superiors till the 17th May 2009. Changes in job environment could come suddenly and you might feel the need to take a challenge or major decision.
It is not advised that you do so before 17th May 2009. Improvements will come after May 2009 begins but a rise in pressures and some setbacks due to actions of the January and April 2009 phase could come after August 2009 commences. The period till 17th October 2009 could be trying still.
A latent support of a superior could go away by end October 2009 which might create issues in job environment.
If working as a professional, you will have an average year mostly.
Pressures will remain till 17th May 2009 but progress will come too. February, July, August and September 2009 would be gainful, while a dip could come post October 2009.
You will find your focus would be high but dealing with work pressures as well as people around you will rise.
Work environment will change rapidly and you will not be able to do much. It would be useful to go with the flow and not create too many hurdles in the process of change. The overall scenario will turn good after May 2009 commences.
Marital/ family life wills pickup between May and July 2009, while now ideas / partnerships could also come about.
If unmarried, strong chances of a sudden marriage proposal present between 16 th June 2009 and 31 st July 2009 .
Health and career could suffer some unexpected reversals between 1 st August 2009 and 17 th October 2009 . You should handle this period with caution. Confrontation with seniors is avoidable till 20 th December 2009 .
Status and career will still remain in a powerful phase till 9 th September 2009 . You will be focused and dynamic in whatever you do till this period.
10 th September 2009 onwards some pressure on account of family life could begin. There could be monetary pressures too. You should be conservative in speech, family life and monetary commitments till end of the year.
Money matters will be quite positive as the year commences. There will be good luck and gains till end August 2009.
10 th September 2009 onwards you will find monetary pressures will rise.
A gradual increase in outflows will be felt and you need to be conservative overall in this regard till end of the year.
Income will be quite positive throughout. There will be an exceptional rise between May 2009 and July 2009. You will feel erratic phase during January, May and September 2009.
Investment would remain unreliable mostly this year.
There would be sudden new events in investments. New investment should be totally avoided since these options could be misleading and unreliable mostly. Some improvement could come between May and July 2009, when you can rationalize your exposure. There could be issues again after September 2009 commences.
Despite all events work will remain dynamic and positive till end October 2009. 3 rd November 2009 onwards you could find pessimism in work as well as love life. It is a time to view work and other avenues of life more conservatively.
Love life and investment could cause worry after 3 rd November 2009 . Worries connected with children could go up also after 3 rd November 2009 .
At the beginning of the year 7 th March to 19 th April 2009 could bring volatile trends in career. It would be useful to avoid major changes during this phase. You will find the year would be more challenging towards the end compared to the beginning. It would be useful to remain as conservative as possible this year.
....
Career will remain high on activity as well as priority this year.
You will be work oriented and positive mostly till 10th September 2009. There will be a high level of efforts and energy into what you do.
Work area could experience politics but there will be growth too.
Career will get into a difficult but progressive phase between 27th January 2009 and 31st May 2009. You will experience a hyperactive phase between 7th March 2009 and 19th April 2009. You should work hard but not try to change the career path during this time.
If in a business, you will remain ultra focused but under stress during the period till 17th May 2009. If you work with partners or associates, the relations could be strained and stressed mostly till 17th May 2009 too.
Still due to hard work and a positive impact mostly, progress and gains in career will continue. 10th September 2009 onwards there would be a slowdown in work and hurdles could be experienced.
High expenses and some waste in business could come also.
Overheads would rise and reach unreasonable level after 3rd November 2009.
If in a job, there will be a high stress and pressure from superiors till the 17th May 2009. Changes in job environment could come suddenly and you might feel the need to take a challenge or major decision.
It is not advised that you do so before 17th May 2009. Improvements will come after May 2009 begins but a rise in pressures and some setbacks due to actions of the January and April 2009 phase could come after August 2009 commences. The period till 17th October 2009 could be trying still.
A latent support of a superior could go away by end October 2009 which might create issues in job environment.
If working as a professional, you will have an average year mostly.
Pressures will remain till 17th May 2009 but progress will come too. February, July, August and September 2009 would be gainful, while a dip could come post October 2009.
Dec 19, 2008
Summer Fashion Catalog Model Needed
utk kebutuhan klient kami yaitu summer fashion katalog. take shoot akan di laksanakan di thailand.
kondisi :
1. minimun tinggi : 168
2. badan proposional
3. umur diatas 16 tahun
ketentuan lain :
1. composite new portofolio ( dilakukan oleh management )
2. mempunyai passport
3. legal kontrak dengan management
4. audisi pertama di jkt
Benefit :
1. akomodasi di tanggung oleh management.
2. salary : US$ 2000 / kontrak
send your portofio to j_gatorz@yahoo.com
kondisi :
1. minimun tinggi : 168
2. badan proposional
3. umur diatas 16 tahun
ketentuan lain :
1. composite new portofolio ( dilakukan oleh management )
2. mempunyai passport
3. legal kontrak dengan management
4. audisi pertama di jkt
Benefit :
1. akomodasi di tanggung oleh management.
2. salary : US$ 2000 / kontrak
send your portofio to j_gatorz@yahoo.com
Sep 5, 2008
unforbidden shadows
bayang terlarang dirimu
tergambar dalam pada jejak langkah lalu
larikan diri kepada ruang tepian tak berujung
lagi satu kehidupan terhenti
satu permulaan berawal
saat tak ada lagi gema pada sepi ini
dirimu tak ada lagi bersamaku
- unforbidden shadows -
sept 2008
tergambar dalam pada jejak langkah lalu
larikan diri kepada ruang tepian tak berujung
lagi satu kehidupan terhenti
satu permulaan berawal
saat tak ada lagi gema pada sepi ini
dirimu tak ada lagi bersamaku
- unforbidden shadows -
sept 2008
Sep 1, 2008
Trip to Untung Jawa
Pulau Untung Jawa
Sep 1, '08 2:26 AM
for everyone
Buat para angkoterz...
Semoga bermanfaat :
Bus Transjakarta ke KaliDeres : 3500
KaliDeres - Pintu Air : 4000, mikrolet Kalideres-Kotabumi, warna putih hijau
Pintu Air- Kampung Melayu : 4000, elf
Kampung Melayu - Tanjung Pasir : 4000, carry putih, elfnya nurunin di pasar, jadi untuk nyari angkot ini harus jalan ke lebih depan lagi, nyampe perempatan tempat angkotnya ngetem
Tanjung Pasir - Pulau : 7500, uang angkot dapat dibayar nanti setelah pulang asal kita pulang naek kapal yg sama dengan waktu perjanjian, saran saya, langsung bayar aja, jadi pulangnya gak perlu harus naek kapal itu lagi, bisa naek kapal yg laen..nyebrang dari sini cuma setengah jam..kalo dari Muara Angke mpe satu jam...
Sewa sepeda 5000/jam, itungannya, tapi aku pake kayaknya hampir 2jam, bayarnya tetep 5000...ini aku nyewa di warung depan toilet deket dermaga..
Makan berdua 30.000 dengan menu : nasi, lalap, sambal, ikan kakap merah bakar ukuran sedang, cumi asam manis (lumayan banyak buat berdua), es teh tawar
Es kelapa muda utuh : 6000
Kalo buat mobilerz, di Tanjung Pasir ada parkiran mobil kok...
Sep 1, '08 2:26 AM
for everyone
Buat para angkoterz...
Semoga bermanfaat :
Bus Transjakarta ke KaliDeres : 3500
KaliDeres - Pintu Air : 4000, mikrolet Kalideres-Kotabumi, warna putih hijau
Pintu Air- Kampung Melayu : 4000, elf
Kampung Melayu - Tanjung Pasir : 4000, carry putih, elfnya nurunin di pasar, jadi untuk nyari angkot ini harus jalan ke lebih depan lagi, nyampe perempatan tempat angkotnya ngetem
Tanjung Pasir - Pulau : 7500, uang angkot dapat dibayar nanti setelah pulang asal kita pulang naek kapal yg sama dengan waktu perjanjian, saran saya, langsung bayar aja, jadi pulangnya gak perlu harus naek kapal itu lagi, bisa naek kapal yg laen..nyebrang dari sini cuma setengah jam..kalo dari Muara Angke mpe satu jam...
Sewa sepeda 5000/jam, itungannya, tapi aku pake kayaknya hampir 2jam, bayarnya tetep 5000...ini aku nyewa di warung depan toilet deket dermaga..
Makan berdua 30.000 dengan menu : nasi, lalap, sambal, ikan kakap merah bakar ukuran sedang, cumi asam manis (lumayan banyak buat berdua), es teh tawar
Es kelapa muda utuh : 6000
Kalo buat mobilerz, di Tanjung Pasir ada parkiran mobil kok...
Jul 30, 2008
Im Sick - Im Alone - Im Broke . and damned it's my bday ..
umumnya .. orang akan get excite .. when the day it come near especially on the birthday .. call all friends .. make some party .. or maybe going out with someone special .. spent whole day ..
and lot of them praise for better year .. better luck ... better day ..
but not on meh ... that feeling been gone ... just like what i deal tonite ..
im sick .. im alone .. and im broke and shit .. this is my bday ..
im expecting waiting a call to ask me to celebrate .. but none .. even not from my ex wife .. or my son ...
ironic is it ..
gue berharap di email gue bakal terima ucapan .. but none .. ...
where is all my lover .. are they forgot or didn't know at all .. too busy ..
.. i can't sleep ... been 2 malem .. ga bisa tidur .. gue cuma berpikir ... knapa semua dateng berbarengan .. all the troubles ...
- a sign - who knows ?
-
I've been sittin' here
Tryin' to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself
Lookin' for the payback
Listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me
And now I feel like number one
Yet I'm last in life
I watch my younger son
And it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills to help to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills still I feel the same
Everybody knows my name
They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck me
It's hard to hang out in crowds
I guess that's the price you pay
To be some big shot like I am
Out strecthed hands and one night stands
Still I can't find love
...
kid Rock - OnLy God Knows Why
and lot of them praise for better year .. better luck ... better day ..
but not on meh ... that feeling been gone ... just like what i deal tonite ..
im sick .. im alone .. and im broke and shit .. this is my bday ..
im expecting waiting a call to ask me to celebrate .. but none .. even not from my ex wife .. or my son ...
ironic is it ..
gue berharap di email gue bakal terima ucapan .. but none .. ...
where is all my lover .. are they forgot or didn't know at all .. too busy ..
.. i can't sleep ... been 2 malem .. ga bisa tidur .. gue cuma berpikir ... knapa semua dateng berbarengan .. all the troubles ...
- a sign - who knows ?
-
I've been sittin' here
Tryin' to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself
Lookin' for the payback
Listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me
And now I feel like number one
Yet I'm last in life
I watch my younger son
And it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills to help to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills still I feel the same
Everybody knows my name
They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck me
It's hard to hang out in crowds
I guess that's the price you pay
To be some big shot like I am
Out strecthed hands and one night stands
Still I can't find love
...
kid Rock - OnLy God Knows Why
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