Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one's around
Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all
Always an emotion, but how can I explain
How can I explain
Kind of like the scent of a rose
With words I can't explain
The same with my pain
Caught up in emotion-Goes over my head
Goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead
The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I've had
So few good-So many bad
I search for personality and I look for things I can not see

Love and peace flash through my mind
Pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new
Never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony
Thru my eyes that's all I see
If I'm gonna cry
Will you wipe away my tears?
If I'm gonna die
Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow
Last thing that I'll say

How will I laugh tommorow
If I can't even smile today

...
Suicide is an Alternative
..

Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don't let it rain
Don't stumble on my pride

Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
Just stay with me tonight
I'm tired of this fight
Soon I'll be knocking at your door


Take away my pain
Let the cold inside
It's time to let it rain
There's nothing left to hide

Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
I'm learning to survive
Without you in my life
Til you come knocking at my door...



.. Would u ...

He’s just the kind of man
You hear about
Who leaves his family for
An easy out
They never saw the signs
He never said a word
He couldn’t take another day

She’s not the kind of girl you hear about
She’ll never want another
She’ll never be without
She’ll give you all the signs
She’ll tell you everything
Then turn around and walk away

Once the stone
You're crawling under
Once the stone
Is lifted off your shoulders
Once the cloud that’s raining
Over your head disappears
The noise that you’ll hear
Is the crashing down of hollow years

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand
into the waves
walk me across the water
And maybe you’ll understand.

.
i wish u understand bout me .

bulan pucat bulat
setia temani gelombang
di tengah malam
senyap
mereka bercinta
lepaskan dendam
rindu seharian

. dan aku pun rindu kamu.

Ku sakit entah di mana
Luka ku menganga
Tanpa mampu ku balut
Ku cari asal sakitku ini
Hanya hampa yang ada

Ingin ku terbang menggapai
langit surgawi
Dan kubentangkan sayap putihku
Yang bersimbahkan darah

Hingga ku tersungkur
Tanpa mampu menggapainya
Sayap putihku patah, lebur
Bulu-bulu ku raib
Hanya aku yang tersisa
dalam gelap..


. this wound could not be healed.

cinta hanyalah dua jiwa
yang tercipta dalam dua ungkapan
sedih dan bahagia...

..
....
.....

Dalam kesendirian, aku diam
Dalam kebersamaan, aku diam
Dalam duka, aku diam
Dalam suka, aku diam
Dalam kacau, aku diam
Dalam damai, aku diam
Orang bertanya, siapakah aku?

Aku hanyalah seorang pendiam yang ingin ketenangan...
Aku hanyalah seorang pendiam yang mencari jati diri...
Aku hanya seorang pendiam yang merenungi hidupku...

.
aku hanya aku .

aku diantara pembunuh
pembunuh-pembunuh berdarah dingin
mereka membunuh tanpa perasaan
mereka benamkan pisau kenyataan
pelan tapi menyakitkan
impianku ditusuk beramai
rintihanku mereka tak peduli
sungguh pembunuh berdarah dingin
membunuh tanpa perasaan
dan kulihat temanku diantara mereka

.
and u do the most pain
my friend .

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filing me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it to late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say good - bye

note.
much ppl suicide inspired by this song .
the lost and desperate
had nowhere to go
got no hope, lonelyness and forgotten.

what do you think ?
do u think like what i am thinking now ?

She never really had a chance
On that fateful moonlit night
Sacrificed without a fight
A victim of her circumstance

Now that I've become aware
And I've exposed this tragedy
A sadness grows inside of me
It all seems so unfair

Just beyond the churchyard gates
Where the grass is overgrown
I saw the writing on her stone
I felt like I would suffocate

In loving memory of our child
So innocent, eyes open wide
I felt so empty as I cried
Like part of me had died

And as her image
Wandered through my head
I wept just like a baby
As I lay awake in bed

And I know what it's like
To lose someone you love
And this felt just the same

She wasn't given any choice
Desperation stole her voice
I've been given so much more in life
I've got a son, I've got a wife

I had to suffer one last time
To grieve for her and say goodbye
Relive the anguish of my past
To find out who I was at last

The door has opened wide
I'm turning with the tide
Looking through her eyes

I'm learning all about my life
By looking through her eyes

ps.
for my mom
i love u mom

Where did we come from?
Why are we here?
Where do we go when we die?
What lies beyond
And what lay before?
Is anything certain in life?

They say, "Life is too short,"
"The here and the now"
And "You're only given one shot"
But could there be more,
Have I lived before,
Or could this be all that we've got?

I used to be frightened of dying
I used to think death was the end
But that was before
I'm not scared anymore
I know that my soul will transcend

I may never find all the answers
I may never understand why
I may never prove
What I know to be true
But I know that I still have to try

"Move on, be brave
Don't weep at my grave
Because I am no longer her
e But please never let
Your memory of me disappear"

Safe in the light that surrounds me
Free of the fear and the pain
My questioning mind
Has helped me to find
The meaning in my life again

Victoria's real
I finally feel
At peace with the girl in my dreams
And now that I'm here
It's perfectly clear
I found out what all of this means

If I die tomorrow
I'd be allright
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

..
i miss u
on earth and heaven ..

sms itu hanya singkat, tapi membuat ku berpikir 1000 x kali
dah berhari hari sudah aku masih memikirkan ttg sms mu itu
dan kembali ku melihat kepada diriku
dan kembali ku melihat masa laluku

dirimu pernah ada disisi ku
temani
memberikan cinta
walaupun sesaat

sungguhpun saat itu
ntah cinta apa yang ada di dalam diri kita
tetapi
itu semua nya indah
walaupun akhirnya harus ku lukai janji kita
yang akhirnya membuat kita terluka

tapi satu yang tidak akan pernah kulupakan
tentang cinta yang pernah kita buat ..

..
dikna once u have gave your love for me and it's still remaind in here

"maybe someday we will meet again and we will have much more than we have was .. last email from u -last year "

Pagi dingin 'gak ada sinar mentari
Dan langit pun terlihat gelap
Mendung datang lagi

Aku di sini... sendiri
Aku di sini... oh sepi
Mengapa aku di sini
Jakarta pagi ini

Aku di sini
Walau apa yang terjadi sampai aku mati
Tempatku bukan di sini...
Jakarta pagi ini

I'm not one to say
Where my feelings are going when they wither away
I pray to see another day
My heart's feeling like a needle lost in the hay
Restrained to meet again
My friend do you think that we ever will
I know we are free...

The games are played with your life on the line
Some lose, you win if you keep on trying
I don't mind doing time, I'm happier being alive
Now I know the means to my opression were all lies
The only truth is your own most sacred lesson I've ever learned
I know we are free...

I've been robbed, I've been fooled
I intend now to make my own rules
Dagger's edge cut the line, I've been down that road
too many times

What's to fear, fear no more
Show my conscience what fears's for
Now I know this is so real
What's done is done so do as you will!

I'm keeping alive! Go on, no don't look back
Just realize where you've gone
Where are you going to, no lifes not done with you
You're only just begun, to live your life!
for you...

..
im just hate being fools
so better i live alone
...

rindu inikah yang kautitipkan padaku?
setumpuk kalender tua kutemu.
jam yang pecah
berserak kaca di langit tanpa pigura
pendulum mati di antara bangkai angka angka
ceritera melintas dalam buraian detik, menit dan ketukan masa
tersesat aku pada lorong lorong waktu pada pojok
labirin bayangmu pada sudut sudut bibirmu yang kelu
di mana pintu?
dinding dinding beku
lurus kepakmu,
menuli bisu pada teriakan gelombang
dan derit pintu.
jejak jejak gemeretak di balik punggungmu
inikah rindu yang kautitipkan padaku?

...............
sampai kapan ?

Sapaan pagi yang lembut
menawarkan sepinggan kabut
tipis mengiris palung hati
seakan ada rasa yang terpaksa mati

Ayunan langkah yang ringan,
kini terasa berat menyapa,
mencoba menggapai
sisa-sia rasa cinta
masihkah tersisa?....

Wajahmu lembut mengemasi duka
coba kubiarkan berlalu,
bohong,
ya aku tlah berbohong bahwa aku bisa
melupakan dan mengantikan kamu.....

tidak, aku coba tuk berdiri
disisi hati dan cinta,
atas nama persahabatan palsu,
semua palsu dan aku sadari
aku harus jujur,
bahwa hanya kamu yang aku cintai...

..
buat kamu ..
yang pernah peduli kepadaku

selalu saja ada embun di hatimu yang tak pernah
menguap oleh gilas waktu. selalu saja ada rimbun daun
daun manakala lelahku menghampirimu. engkaukah telaga
bening yang kutatap tiada jemu, semenjak kau kibaskan
jubah pesonamu, lewat siluet yang teduh. aku
menghampirimu dalam bisu dalam gelap bayangku meski
rinduku begitu ingin mencium jentik jemari bijaksanamu
dalam dekat yang takzim. bibirmu serupa oase bagi jiwa
yang dahaga.


...
even though we are far
but half of u still stay in here
...

tumpah tumpahlah seluruh airmata seluruh sedu seluruh
pekik seluruh raung agar lepas segala duka segala
perih segala jerit di dada meruah darah memerah
jantung menganga luka mencucur dera menghempas raga di
tanah basah basah air mata meronta jiwa gelegak rasa.
lepas lepaslah segala pedih segala lara segala sedan
segala pekat menggelayut jiwa agar tiada lagi isak
tiada tangis tiada lagi airmata yang tercurah dari
rongga rongga dada;

tuhan, dimanakah bahagia?

seorang pemburu mimpi yang kelelahan
ambruk di atas bantal yang baru ganti sarung.
matanya nyalang menghakimi peradaban saru.
hari ini siksaan demi siksaan mencoba mencongkel jantungnya.
dia libas matahari yang berjejak darah
demi sebuah mimpi akan debur ombak
yang akan merayunya untuk bercinta.


...
it's just a dream that i am in love with u

Malaikat menebarkan selembar daun diatas kepalaku
untuk menuliskan ribuan dosa yang kulakukan hari ini,
sementara setan tertawa mempersiapkan pesta penyambutan untukku
yang terpuruk pada setiap jejak langkahnya

....
if i die before awake
pray the lord to soul to take

The wind has blown through once in my life
Within our thousand encounters,
Pierced through my heart shooting star
Stronger and deeper than friendship

On that day when I lost the fragment of myself,
You filled in all the empty spaces
Day by day
The grief rain incessantly
In the crying earth, supporting each other, the two of us

Those gentle eyes you had
You sing the Blue Requiem
I'll never forget what you said
Playing bell of the end of future
Until the moment I die!!!

What kind of warmth was I giving you
In the night lonier then deeply isolated night
Long way road
Staying beside when lowering my eyes
Always turning my undenying tears into smiles

Those sad eyes you laugh with
Someday you might vanish
That's the presentiment I had
But by looking back into my memory, I can meet you
In that sky

All night long
As if taking the "farewell" under my wings,
Without speaking anything, embraced by the sea of stars
Blue stars

The wind has blown through once in my life
Within our thousand encounters,
Pierced through my heart shooting star
Its stronger and deeper than friendship

Your had gentle eyes
You sing the Blue Requiem
I miss you, but i'll never forget what you said
Playing the bell of the end of future
Until the moment I die!!!

..
Blue Requiem - Tsubokura Yuiko
..

what we do here ?
every day pretending that we are good
fooling around
act like a wise guy

am i weird ?
am i sick ?

think all over and over again ..
it's always come around and around
all over my head
dunno why
many people said to me
u will be fine
u'll be ok
but ?
it just what they said
but i take those life

i dunno what i happen to me
am i damned
am i curse
am i sinner

but if that so ..
why i am still life in here

are this my punishment ?
and i never understand ..

many people come around and said they promise not to leave me
and they will not leave as long as they stay
but when they gone
they never come back

as long as u needed
they will return to u
otherwise u just a memories

.........
pretending that u are love me it is not help me out
just make me feel sick
.

what is better ?
between what u seen and the thing behind that ?
the one who has sacrifice eveything for someone that he care and now he's forgotten just because the way he looks physically
it's ironic .

what is better than that ?
Face can change easily but the hearts ?

..
once i knew u and that's enough

.HurryCane - Raised By Hatred.
Demon Eyes Kyo


Human is the Greatest Beast than the Beast it self

My last night here for you
Same old songs,just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
that I had mine on you


....................................................
I'm more than the dress and the voice
...................................................

Tonight i'm gonna hold you
I'm gonna touch you, and lay you down
Tonight i'm gonna kiss you
I'm gonna taste you, all the way down
La...la...la...

Tonight when i have been inside you
I will lay down beside you , and
Stay all night long
La...la...la...

Tonight you don't have to be lonely
You need only to call me
And i will be down

....
A song on IRC ..

Virtue : you don't need a reason to love the people
Sorrow : how you prove that u exist even you not beileve for your existing
Despair : to be forgoten is worse than death
Arogance : the only dependable thing about the future is uncertainity
Solitude : i don't wanna be alone anymore