Jan 22, 2003

I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment
That's held in your arms

And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what
Do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me
And throw me away

And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don't feel
Want to hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted-I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid

And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me
But I'm still here

They can't tell me who to be
'Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin' while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe

And how can they say I'll never change?
They're the ones that stay the same
I'm the one now
'Cause I'm still here
I'm the one
'Cause I'm still here
I'm still here

......
i am here
......

Jan 17, 2003

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

Faye Wong - Eyes on Me ..

just like the story of Squall and Rinoa ... that was damn romantic story ever .. even the Zidane and Garneth story is sweet too.
but this song kept a lot of memories ..
actually i have dedicated this song to someone .. the one that have created the story with me ..
but i think i dunno, when ever i felt blue .. i like to hear this song over n over ..
just like this nite ..

miss u

Jan 16, 2003

duduk memahat fajar hingga petang

kau kirimkan surat-surat merah jambu tanpa nama....
ku selipkan di antara bintang-bintang setelah selesai membacanya

(masih mencari namamu di guguran kerisik daun-daun, entah sampai kapan)

...
capek capek capek ...
....
aku ingin pergi,
sebab muak melihat punggung-punggung menjauh sepi
lalu aku sendiri menggiris kesendirian
ladang, bunga, pohon, dedaunan, mega-mega
metamorfosis raya dalam pacu ingatan

aku ingin pergi,
terbang bersama angin lantas pecah
menjadi partikel memori penghantu mimpi
sedu, sedan, o! biar seru deru menggebu
airmata mengamuk di lilitan topan gelisah

aku ingin.. kali ini yang mengucapkan selamat tinggal

....
selamat tinggal .....
bunga larang tumbuh di dada pecinta
rumput alang-alang simbar dada
semak belukar ular berbisa

kaki terangkat tak jua menapak
huruf-huruf sungsang dalam rahim kata
erangan-erangan, otot menonjok-nonjok
memaksa sebilah membilah hingga berdarah-darah

kata-kata terlahir bersimbah merah
senyum kemenangan; mengaduh kesakitan

kata-kata memang telah terlahir, dan luka meluntakan
wajah pucat, tangan gemetar menimang
kemudian kata-kata mati dalam timangan nyeri

kata-kata menjadi sajak belasungkawa
terpahat di dinding pecinta
bunga larang tercabut pecinta menyudut
mati hatinya

.......
do i have to melt that iceberg ?
the thing that i do now are ...
i never expect to got a new one
i never expect to find someone ..
i never expect to be falling in love again ...
i never expect to .....

the truth is
someone come and speak that damn sweet words again !!!!
duh ....

why u always come when im not expecting u !
and gone when u have stay in deep ...

biar ku sematkan mawar itu dibibirmu
lalu kau tiuplah sesukamu
biar menyebar wanginya
janganlah kau takut
sebab tak akan pernah habis wangi dari mawar itu
sebarkan...sebarkan...
biar semua ikut merasakan
wangi

..................
Love all Serve All

Jan 15, 2003



I miss all of you
i'll be there soon

Current Mp3
Avril Lavigne - I'm With U
satu saat nanti
ku kan pergi
tinggalkan kamu

dan kau telah tahu
kenapa aku harus pergi

dan aku tak tahu
haruskah aku lupakan mu
atau menyimpannya dalam lemari kaca

ps.
Kamu adalah hadiah Ulang tahunku yg terindah yg pernah aku terima
Apa benar Adam manusia pertama?
Apa benar bumi itu bulat?
Apa benar cinta itu indah?
Apa benar kau tahu siapa dirimu?

Entah!

... dikna ....

Jan 14, 2003

hari yg melelahkan..
ash to ash .. and dust to dust ..
and all back to the creator ...
wish luck and patience for my friends ..

suddenly think back to my childhood ..
i miss that time a lot
when i saw them play around ..
full of laugh .. and joy

have ever felt being rejected by your own blood and flesh ?

Jan 11, 2003

I was down at the New Amsterdam staring at this yellow-haired girl
Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation with this black-haired flamingo dancer
She dances while his father plays guitar
She’s suddenly beautiful
We all want something beautiful
I wish I was beautiful

So come dance this silence down through the morning
Cut up, Maria! Show me some of them Spanish dances
Pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones
Believe in me
Help me believe in anything
I want to be someone who believes

Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales
Stare at the beautiful women
“She’s looking at you. Ah, no, no, she’s looking at me.”
Smiling at the bright lights
Coming through in stereo
When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely

I will paint my picture
Paint myself in blue and red and black and gray
All of the beautiful colors are very very meaningful
Gray is my favorite color
I felt so symbolic yesterday
If I knew Picasso
I would buy myself a gray guitar and play

Mr. Jones and me look into the future
Stare at the beautiful women
“She’s looking at you.
Uh, I don’t think so. She’s looking at me.”
Standing in the spotlight
I bought myself a gray guitar
When everybody loves me, I will never be lonely

I want to be a lion
Everybody wants to pass as cats
We all want to be big big stars, but we got different reasons for that
Believe in me because I don’t believe in anything and I want to be someone to believe

Mr. Jones and me stumbling through the barrio
Yeah we stare at the beautiful women
“She’s perfect for you, Man, there’s got to be somebody for me.”
I want to be Bob Dylan
Mr. Jones wishes he was someone just a little more funky
When everybody loves you, son, that’s just about as funky as you can be

Mr. Jones and me staring at the video
When I look at the television, I want to see me staring right back at me
We all want to be big stars, but we don’t know why and we don’t know how
But when everybody loves me, I’m going to be just about as happy as can be
Mr. Jones and me, we’re gonna be big stars...

Current Song
Counting Crows - Mr Jones


august and everything after .. is my favourite album ..
Thx Frans wherever you are ..
untukmu aku menangis
memboroskan air mata
mencuci sapu tangan
membuang haru yang merasuk dadaku

untuk mu aku menangis
mencoba lupakan kisah lama
dan merangkai kisah baru
tapi tak kuat rasa kupendam

andai kau disini membawa handuk
lalu duduk di sampingku; menawarkan jasa
usaplah wajahku hingga kering airnya
biar aku usap mata mu dengan bibirku
dan kan ku bisikkan pada kupingmu:
"Sungguh, aku tak akan melepas dirimu"

........
teruntuk yg tercinta .....
Kosong Buntu Hampa Mampat
Terjebak rasa dalam himpitan ruang dan waktu
Tak lagi bisa bebas menari
Tak mampu pula terbang menembus batas ketiadaan

Lelah Marah Jenuh Berontak
Terkungkung jiwa dalam ketiadaan yang ada
Belenggu mengikat erat
Banang takdir tak dapat diputus, terus menjerat

Hentikan!
Biarkan diri lepas
Relakan jiwa mengembara
Cari ruang sendiri di dunia
Temukan hangat dalam beku terhampar

.................
ntah sampai kapan .....
There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that
I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you
to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away

It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

The scent of vasoline
in the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting overtime
The world seems bigger
Than both of us
Yet it seems so small
when I begin to cry

It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet.

I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

I'ts alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain
I think God can explain
I think God can explain

.......
Geez miss u badly

Jan 10, 2003

kya...
akhirnya nyampe juga ke jogja
capek dah
.........

Jan 8, 2003

current Mp3
Ariyo - Kucinta Caramu


When a Man Lies He Murders
Some Part of the World
These Are the Pale Deaths Which
Men Miscall Their Lives
All this I Cannot Bear
To Witness Any Longer
Cannot the Kingdom of Salvation
Take Me Home

To Live is To Die
Terasa masih tersimpan
Kenangan yang kau berikan
di Hati dirasa di jiwa

Mencoba untuk melupakan
semua yg pernah kau berikan
cintamu darimu untuk diriku

Seakan tiada tertahan
rinduku kini semakin dalam
karnamu untuk diriku

masih ada masih adakah cinta
yang masih ada tersisa
cintamu darimu untuku

Sampaikan salamku tuk dia
aku masih mencintainya
Sampaikan maafku tuk nya
Ku yakin dia mendengarnya

Fade out . Jackpot - Kumasih Mencintainya
ufhss
kelar juga akhirnya download Taccom 1.5, keren abis . - ( ...*(^@^(%@$(!& segala sumpah serapah ) en yg keren lagi apa coba, Major tiggel n Major General Jalu idup .. haw haw haw .. bisa bantai bantai lagi .. but i think that will be my last game :( tapi emang dah masanya buad ninggalin itu semua padahal keren abis.

ini tambah ga beres seharian seek idea ga dapet trus nunggu n nuggu yg di tunggu ndak muncul .. bobo kayanya . better deh kalo tahu dikna akirnya bobo juga...

padahal masna mo pamitan. besok mo pegi lagi jauhhhhhhh n lamaaaaaaaaa .. ugh...
ini mana di ujung dari tadi masang Nelly Furtado di ulang ulang ga abis abis .. mpe kusut si nelly ..

ya udah de nungguin pagi maen Empire Earth dolo .. sapa tahu menang di scene 3..

dikna .. masna kangen ...

Feat Disturbed - Prayer


Wanita
hari-hari ini kau penuhi pikiranku
dengan segala atribut
segala gelar
segala arti
segala kodrat
segala bentuk
segala tetek-bengek
heran!
yang tergambar
cuma bentuk tubuhmu

......
kadang aku suka membayangkan bentuk visualisasi seseorang dalam bayangan imajiku sendiri. dengan satu harapan agar dia tahu kalo aku sedang rindu banget sama dirinya .. sometimes it's works.
just like tonite .. still waiting for your appearance...

Jan 7, 2003

"kebencian tidak membuat orang yg kita benci menjadi susah, tapi perlahan lahan akan menghancurkan diri sendiri"

Cedric
bosan dengan penat
enyah saja kau pekat

atau aku harus lari kehutan
belok ke pantai

....
Kalo denger ini puisinya si Dian Sastro itu .. huhuhu kampung bener dah gua baru bisa nonton si Cinta pas abis lebaran kemaren. tapi sehubungan dengan ini pilem buntutnya panjang..
That Dream .. persis bener sama ini pilem ( cieeee ) -blushing - cuma pemerannya di ganti cuma anehnya kok ada abang gue ya disitu..
Tapi bener aneh .. Abang gue itu bisa masuk kedalam mimpi gue sejak dari tgl 23 sampe sekarang 3 kali n kliatan nyata gitu ..
adoh padahal gua bener bener Empet ma tu orang .. tapi ya thx juga sih ma dia gara gara dia gue bisa kek gini ..

uhmm ... Pointnya Gini ..
Honestly .. i never dream About u before till that day !!! and it's Jelas banged .. mpe gue bangun .. trus pulang ke rumah masih berasa ... n cuma satu di otak .. is it real or just my Fantasy ( ps. Faye Wong - Eyes on Me )
-sighs-

Feat Coco Lee - A Love Before Time ( Ost . Crouching Tiger and Hidden Dragon )
ah
sama persis skarang :)
ma punya tiggel

-hugS- tiggel
uh
smakin pagi smakin ngawur
tidak jelas kemana arah tujuan....
semua jadi satu ...
...
dikna
kalo kamu sempet baca yg dua poem trakhir itu ..
cuma just a poem
ndak ada kaitan ma kamu ...

by the way
thx for the hug
i do miss that hugs

thx GoD i got u
Semua orang yang datang padaku
Selalu bersumpah demi bulan, bintang, dan matahari
Akan selalu ada disampingku
Dan sumpahnya memang seperti yang
mereka janjikan
Yaitu selalu berubah menurut orbitnya

...
when i found the true one ?
dat inuf .. !!!
masna kangen dikna
i do love to read poem and philosophy
uhm .. age factor ? haw haw
i do love to write poem since i was in school
sometimes i mix it with a picture
that can explain what i feel inside..
no need to write all on my diary
but simple poem explain all
same like when i listen to a song ..

and bout today ?
i wrote a lot even not all that i have writen is mine
maybe u guessing what kind feeling that i feel now ..
i dunno and i never know
i can't explain ...

some about my feeling rite now
some about the past
some bout my wish for the future.
some bad
some good
some nothin
is all in one ...

Kamu seperti hantu
harus menghantuiku
kemana pun tubuhku pergi
kau terus membayangi aku

Salahku biarkan kamu
bermain dengan hatiku
aku tak bisa memusnahkan
kau dari pikiranku.. ini..

Didalam keramaian aku masih merasa sepi
sendiri memikirkan kamu
kau genggam hatiku
dan kau tuliskan namamu
kau tulis namamu...

tubuhku ada di sini
tetapi tidak jiwaku
kosong yang hanya kurasakan
kau telah tinggal di hatiku

Dewa - Kosong
.....
Bimantara Building Lt 4 April 2002
ditengah hilangnya ide ide yang telah kau curi saat itu
.. this one for u ..
Perempuan datang padaku,
membubarkan pesta angkara di ubun-ubunku.
menebar bunga di seretonin,
menjelmakan surga.

Perempuan datang padaku,
menarikan cinta.

Lesat gerak itu,
hanya untuk kita.
Kau taburkan cahaya di beranda rumahku.
Menanamkan bunga-bunga di taman firdausku.

Lesat gerak itu, hanya untuk kita.
Kau menciumku,
membiusku.

Perempuan datang padaku.
aku ditelikung cinta,
ditekuk rindu.
Aku cinta padamu.

Walau dalam bahasa yang gagap,
tapi terus kupelajari.

........
perempuan ... perempuan ...
Batle never end ..
Aku hanya bertanya, Dik
Bilakah kita beradu di ranjang harapan kita?
Ketika milikmu sepenuhnya memberi kehangatan bernuansa putih menyapa lembut diriku...
Melelehkan bara asmara merinduku

Aku sedang bermimpi, Dik
Kau menelanjangi cintaku dan menerobos sukmaku tanpa ampun
Menyapa dalam badai kerinduan tak berkesudahan
Menepis seluruh rasa sakit dan derita

Aku ingin berucap, Dik
Aku cinta kemarin, hari ini, dan esok
Menengadah meraih rembulan yang semakin menjauh
Menunduk menghindari tatapan mentari yang sangat menusuk hatiku

Dik, bolehkah aku berbisik?
Aku ingin kau menyetubuhiku sekarang
Ketika malam tak lagi dingin
Ketika siang tak lagi panas
Ketika suara tak lagi terdengar
Ketika yang ada hanyalah tiada...

......
i took this poem cause i love it the style of inside
...
it comes suddenly
i wrote what i feel
i never plant it so..
and i did not mean to expose my self in here

so just follow where the Rain drown
till u find the dream ...
so u will meet the DreamRain...
Ada yg hilang mengisi relung hati ...
Mengharap Pagi membawamu kembali
hariku sepi

bungaku hilang melayang pergi
bungaku hilang terhempas angin ..

ku tak mengerti
masihkah ada waktu yg menuntunmu kembali ...
tumbuh dan bersemi ...
mengisi relung hati ..
Putih dan mewangi..

....
Pay - Bungaku hilang
uhm..
i Like to hear a song , and i can't live without it.
sampe kadang gue kalo dah tertidur pules radio setia gue masih idup mpe pagi besoknya..
i'm not wrote my own diary or this journal of my day .. but i kept it on a song ..
every song that i listen menyimpan suatu a memories that happen to me, or the song that i often play over n over bisa aja itu lagi ngegambarin mood gue pada hari itu .. ato gue mo nunjukin ke kalian apa yg gue mau ...
just for a simple ...
Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had ..
mean a lot .. even hurt inside but .. i cannot forget.
song mean a lot for me ...

ps.
if u said i was the best u ever had then pls .. be the best forever ...
i don't want to feel the pain again
It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

.... SighS*.....

ps. thx BakpOw ~mwa
Father into your hands,
I commend my spirit
Father into your hands
why have you forsaken me
In your eyes forsaken me
In your thoughts forsaken me
In your heart forsaken me
Trust in my self righteous suicide
In my self righteous suicide

...
almost .....
Nov of 2002 .. Peak of Brain Demention

Segores getir Torehkan cakrawala, Senja mencakar angan
Kembalikanku dari lamunan
Menyadari hadirnya sepi
Membawamu pergi
Gapai tawamu sendiri

... dan suara tawa itu terdengar kembali
ugh...

Feat PoD - Alive

CapiY cayank BakpOw
Apa kabar Tuhan
Masihkah Kau ingat aku?
Ini aku, aku yang dulu
pernah akrab dengan-Mu

Aku paham Tuhan
bila Kau enggan tersenyum
Memang tak seharusnya aku datang
Setelah sekian lama
kita tidak berbincang

Maafkan aku Tuhan
bila baru sekarang aku merasa rindu
Bukan aku tak ada waktu
untuk sekedar berkunjung
bukan aku tak ingat bahwa Kau ini ada
Tapi dunia terlalu sering melenakanku

Tahukah Kau Tuhan
saat aku ingin menemuimu tadi
aku sempat lupa jalan menuju ke sini
untunglah banyak teman-Mu yang menolongku

Apa kabar Tuhan
Sudahkah Kau ingat aku?
Ini aku, aku yang dulu
pernah akrab dengan-Mu
dan sekarang
ingin kembali Menjadi karib-Mu

....
Christmas Eve 2002
........dan hujan selalu malahirkan kenangan. Tapi kali ini, mendung terlalu hitam untuk menjabarkan lagi sisa waktu ku untuk sekedar kembali melongok kenanganku. Bersama mu, hujan, aku bergumam.............

... DreamRain .. Eternity ...